So it’s a new week and there’s plenty to celebrate: it’s Tuesday (yeah my coworkers hate me for actually enjoying Mondays and Tuesdays), it’s almost August (fewer sweaty days on the subway), and it’s Eid (Eid Mubarak to everyone who’s celebrating…esp my roommate who can finally eat out again)!  I haven’t had a good rant in a while so since I’m feeling particularly energetic, do indulge me as I get something off my chest real quick.

It really irks me when someone tells me they’re “too busy to eat breakfast”.  Really dude?  So you don’t have 10 minutes to get some much needed nutrition for the day but somehow have enough time to dick around Facebook for 20 mins. when you wake up?  Oh that’s precious.  I’m not even talking about a full continental breakfast complete with artisanal jams and breads baked in some hipster outpost in Greenpoint, a simple piece of toast perhaps?  Boiled eggs?  A goddamn protein shake?!  But noooooo….you’re such a busy person whom the world so depends on that global catastrophes would befall us should you choose a bagel over saving the world.

Coz if Spidey can cook…

I call bullshit.  There’s absolutely no way you’re too busy. In fact, you’re probably lying in bed right now hating Monday and it’s twisted sibling Tuesday.  But I believe in you…you’ve got some semblance of humanity in that coffee-addled brain of yours so I’m going to be nice and teach you a quick and easy way to bang out a couple of breakfasts so quick you’d put the local deli guy to shame.  The real trick here, oh Busy One, is to cook in advance, in large batches, and in hearty styles….but you knew that already since I saw you stuffing your face with that 2nd donut you claim is the only quick thing you can buy around here.  So lemme drop some breakfast wisdom on how you can pull off a bomb meal in record time and still have time to pine for the dream job you always said you’d find one day.

Sure you do!

Enter the Frittata.  Now most of us have seen the frittata on brunch menus or the generic Italian lunch spots and it looks like a cross between an omelette and a quiche (it does stand for “egg cake” after all).  Sometimes warm or cold, it’s filling and can be made with anything from ham, vegetables, or some payday-worthy stuff like quinoa and kale.  I kid you not this whole thing will only take 10 minutes of active work on a normal night to produce and the only limit is how fast your mouth can devour it.  Hell…it’s so easy I won’t even bother numbering the steps!

You just slice a potato thinly and layer it into the bottom of a skillet or cake pan.  Chop a few carrots or other veggies up and toss that in.  Drizzle some olive oil, sprinkle with salt, and toss in a 375 deg. oven (pre-heated to save time) for 15ish minutes.  But wait you say….FIFTEEN MINUTES?!  That’s like…3 Buzzfeed quizzes!  Smh homie…you know you can do the damn quizzes while you wait for the veggies to roast right?  Sheesh.

Once you’ve figured out which Harry Potter character you are, beat 8 eggs (I was planning to eat mine over 4 days at 2 eggs/day) with a splash of milk, salt, and pepper.  Pour over the roasted vegetables and toss back in the oven.  That entire process now brings us up to about 8 minutes of actual cooking time.  Feel free to watch some inane cat video while you wait for the eggs to set (another 15ish minutes).  Just as you’re about done, sprinkle some herbs or perhaps some greens on top and there you have it!  Breakfast to last several days!

So the next time you pull some lame ass excuse for not eating breakfast, know that you’re just being lazy.  Yes….sorry I’m not sorry.  Yes….I just gave you sustenance that will not only have you feeling like a boss on ‘dem feet-dragging weekdays but it also took you less than 10 minutes of active work!  That’s less than the time you spend at the gym Instagramming in between your so-called deadlift sets!

And a side of protein…

But on the real…if I had to say one thing about breakfast, it’s this: prep early to the point where all you have to do is stuff your face in the morning.  For me, that’s frittata all week.  No variety you say?  Tell that to the same carb-filled donut you’ve been eating.  Besides, you can spice it up with different sides and sauces (more on that later).  Paired with a side of Greek yogurt, chia, flax, and honey (pre-scooped the night before of course) and some pita with Zaatar, a Middle Eastern spice mix you can mix with a bit of olive oil, and you’ve got one reason I absolutely love Monday mornings.

So the choice is yours.  Wallow in weekday depression, or join me in feeling great tomorrow morning by annoying the desk rat zombies with extra cheeriness.  Just kidding…..not really.